i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
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We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
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I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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