You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My dick has a subreddit
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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