I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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