I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
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i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
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Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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