shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
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Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
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I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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