My room smells like vodka and shame
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
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Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
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I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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