so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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