Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
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is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
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Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize