I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
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What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
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Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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