How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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