You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize