whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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