a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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