First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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