is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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