How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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