I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize