I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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