apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize