don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize