He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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