Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
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