You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize