we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize