i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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