I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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