dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
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I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
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He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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