omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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