We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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