this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
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I think I have vodka in my lungs
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
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I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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