I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize