I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
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I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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