I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I forget how to act sober
Randomize