I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize