Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize