You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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