wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize