Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize