grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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