"it" just moved
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
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This house was built for laser tag.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
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I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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