i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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