I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
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Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
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You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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