I'm really into asian looking animals
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have a pirate flag
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize