i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
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I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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