i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
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It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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