You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
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i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you didnt know i had herpes?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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