i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Randomize