Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize