omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
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and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
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Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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