their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
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Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
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He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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